on love

that's a heavy topic, huh?
especially coming from moi, i'm below a noob. but it's important and that's what a good therapy session does to you.

in the wintertime, i always get melancholic and lonely. when spring comes and everybody suddenly freaks out and truly acts like seeking a mate is everything, then i'm usually over it all and it's all good but it's winter now so let me get it out. i'm planning something fun for next week, i promise.

~~~

my sister got married recently, in august, to a man she has known for years and years. he's in our family for so long, i can't even imagine, or remember well for that matter, time without him. great, right? they are always so kind with me, helping go through lots of stuff, i'm so grateful even if i don't say it that often.

to be very honest, i'm kinda jealous. not envious, oh no, but i can't help but feel weird knowing that they have been together when they were my age now. and here i am, reading fanfiction and than closing it with anger when, once again, i can't relate.

~~~

how do you imagine kissing with somebody? hugging them and not wanting to ever let go? reading their messages and smiling from ear to ear when they appear online?

how do you know you're wanted if you're the one coming up to somebody? as stupid as this sounds, how would you know you're attractive to them, if they haven't really noticed you first? how do you even get the courage to make a move?

how do you even meet people? the only friendships i have we formed during an outside situation, school etc. (exclusively, now that i'm thinking about it). the only outgoing i do is for an one on one ''coffee'' with an amount of friends i can count on one of my hands. and now it got even smaller, since a couple have moved too far away. i didn't even have any possibilities, let alone a choice, to not go alone to my prom last friday. sixteen year old me is sad.

~~~

to not get so sad (yes, i am aware that i'm pitying myself but you have to do it sometimes) let me say one more thing. why the fuck a romantic person is almost always hopeless? i know it may be a bit old school but can't i want the guy to make the first move? come on...

~~~

strangers, move your chair if somebody visibly can't fit behind it. repeatedly.

this has been your monday dose of thinking.

love,

qofr

into the woods

at first i didn't intend to make scenography and set design for this project. i'm not really into that domain of theatre so i just wanted to go with raw industrial. un/fortunately, my tutor thought of a whole stage set when she heard about the costumes, told me about it, so, since i'm the type that if something is stuck in my head it's for good (gonna stay there till i realise it), i got to work.

since the most important things on stage were the lit costumes, i focused on the lighting.

this is the finished product. to be fair it actually came out almost just like i imagined (the temperature of lights could be more alike but you can't have it all)

the whole set is basically just 3 paper screens and lights, but what an effect!

this is the raw set, no light. looks bare and not really interesting but the scale is quite big. each screen is about 3 meters in hight and 2.5 in width. it was an exhausting task, thank you jagoda for helping me, i still have a bit of scarring on my hands (i had to lift like a 60kg roll of paper). each piece is hung from the celling in two places, held together with a wooden bar. the one thing i need to remember in the future is to make them a bit longer, so they don't slide that much.

behind the screens there was a spot light and on the sides two slide projectors. and i mean those old ones, with single frames and film.

the shapes are inspired by the same things as the costumes, i just simplified them a bit, to make things more clear.

you would think i'll use digital projectors with scans of my inspirations, right? well, first thing, there weren't that many just available since ''light day'' is a school thing and there were many other performances. second thing that it actually didn't work that well in practice. i did a lot of monotype designs with different motifs but the scan wasn't good enough and i would have to clean all of them by hand, no way...

luckily, my teacher suggested just drawing the needed shapes on see-through foil and putting it in film frames, worked great and it was easy to copy for two screens. an even better thing was that since the actual image wasn't visible, the audience couldn't see the imperfections.

~~~

ok, that's it. listen to this and enjoy the photos (taken by jagoda as well):

this has been your monday dose of pure coolness

love,

qofr

in times of need, acrylic is here

i started by making the templates, wanted to make them with paper, turned out that they slide all over the place so i, the genius that i am, thought of adhesive foil so this was a big connivence.

the biggest thing was to figure out how to get the pattern onto the fabric. i did some tests, hoped that print paint would work but that was too see-through, there was no contrast to see the outline. then i tried with spray paint but that was even worse.

if you don't know what to do, do it in acrylic. simple and the effect was perfect.

here are some photos from the making:

let's just strop here. at this point i was so proud of myself, right? like wow, this looks nice, really suits the theme, seems well designed as a pattern. then i realised.

the suckers.

how the flipping fuck am i going to do that. it was just a pain it the but really, cause i had to cut it all individually. i had to number all of them, different colours for each tentacle to not mix things up. of course i had to save those little circles because it wasn't unified in any way (why should i do that? to make my work easier? that's for chumps). after gluing down the rest of the foil i had to go over each spot, make it smaller and glue down. i'm sure there is an easier way but i'm not going to think about it now.

#deadhand

i don't really have any more photos from the making of the actual costumes.

i don't really have that much more to say about the costumes. next up the stage design and summary.

this has been your monday dose of mind-boggling work.

love,

qofr

p.s. this is draining my energy. i'll finish those posts this week and quit talking about this project for now. from february sockabrate is coming back.

so, śródświetlne

the name means, in loose translation, amongst light. the whole thing was prepared for my schools 'day of light', but not for them, for myself. the event is centered around light related projects made by students at my school.

i had this idea for a while, the play of light and shadow is fascinating when observed in movement, and i love the idea of semi-transparency and all that.

the whole concept is based on cloth with printed, contrasting template. i got really interested in artistic graphics last year, i'm a craftsman so doing stuff by hand is definitely my thing, and making molds was really cool. since this year i don't have that subject anymore i wanted to do something my myself, for myself this once. plus i really wanted to have something big, new for my portfolio.

i like doing stuff on my own so this was a real pleasure even though it was so time and work consuming.

i started of with some loose sketches of the cloths and the patterns i wanted. i love the idea of octopus tentacles in graphics (i have no idea why, it has been a running theme in my art) so i started with that (curse this, the suction things were a bitch to make). i was struggling to think of other nature inspired patterns but it worked out.

i have an octopus, trees, coral and fern. each made twice, mirrored for both sides of the model.

and for good measure i did some model sketches

i wasn't sure about the last one 

and i want to use my pad more so:

this is the beginning, my inspirations. the making is coming.

this has been your monday dose of artistic motivation, you can do it!

love,

qofr

happy new year!

kinda here, kinda there

hi, sorry for the slight hiatus, i'm going through some tough times and the last thing i wanted was to exist in cyber space.

śródświetlne was a grand success, thank you everyone who came and helped me, even if there were tiny mishaps. i want to do more but right now i have to focus on education more, the non-artistic kind.

not a lot of things happened through out christmas here, i have been eating a lot though, just like every holiday haha! oh, and i wore some christmas socks and earrings, to get into the spirit you know.

oh, but something happened before christmas! i went to see the new star wars! it's amazing, highly recommend. the production value of this film is just so great, i really wish i could visit their set or wardrobes cause the costumes and makeup were so well made, it probably took hours to make some prosthetics. btw, does anybody know a good brand of oil based face paints? cause now i only have water based but they don't work on latex and i can't decide which ones to get.

i want to get back to sending letters, it's so nice and i really miss it. in 2016 i would like to open a tumblr related to postcrossing and mail art, would you be interested? anybody wants to send me something, haha?

how are you planning to spend your new years? i want to draw more, but my room is such a mess a a4 paper doesn't fit anywhere. i was making christmas gifts for my family, little illustrations of celtic birth calendar of trees (i don't know how to call it), and i had to stack it all.

other news, i got a new parka and i think that it might be one of my favourite buy ever. i look good in it. i, with my low self esteem and a high key hatred of my body, can say i look good, so it's bloody good, i'll show you on instagram.

i guess this post is all over the place, i just wanted to get things out of my system and into your brain, forever, ha ha ha! ok, i'll stop now.

śródświetlne posts are coming up, 3 at most really, i want to show you how i made this shizz cause i'm for once proud of it.

enjoy your life, you're worth it.

this has been your new dose of fluff.

love,

qofr

śródświetlne

i am excited to invite you to a magnificent showing. tomorrow i will hold a costume display with models and hand-made set design.

i'm very proud of this project, it's my biggest to date and it was a massive process for me. never have i ever imagined how much work would it require but i'm very glad that it worked out like so.

there will be much more information about this, i want to show you the cool behind the scenes. 

~~~

the event will be held at:

autorskie licea artystyczne ALA

ul. robotnicza 36

wroclaw

ckp

~

22:15

~~~

hope to see you there!

love,

qofr

place by place

i went to an author's tour and talk. to an art gallery. very social of me, right?

it was surprisingly scary but when it began, totally different story. the exhibit is called ''feedback loops'' and is made of 14 pieces (13 photos and a video). all of it was made by a lovely couple, lena dobrowolska and teo ormond-skeaping, polish/british.

for me, the most wonderful thing was the actual place where the photos were taken, tibetan plateau. how cool is that? even though the political situating of the region is in a horrible situation, it is also beautiful, nature is unique and so different from our usual european scenery. i really want to see it for myself but for now, photos will have to do.

the event started at 6pm and i stayed till almost half 10. the artists are very interesting young people, they love to travel, hence the place, and are really into geological issues, ecology and climate change. actually the whole exhibit represents that as well, titles and captions about such stuff being a big part of the whole. they touched on lots of different subjects actually, my favourite being the melting of glaciers. even if it's a very slow process it still is gigantic and visible.

and the photos are amazing. i don't really know anything about professional photography but even i can see they're great. it turns out that because of the elevation and climate the sky is almost always clear or at least light enough for you to use the smallest littlest hole to let the light touch the film. the photos are very vibrant and sharp.

most of the works are scenery but there are a few portraits of local people. the way the photographers shoot, since it was all analog film, is very planned out and particular, you have to space out the film usage. all that i got from their talk, i haven't even thought about such stuff.

but! apart from the quality of the photos, the theme is also interesting. as i said, they tried to incorporate a lot of topics on ecology, geology, climate change. actually the name of the exhibit, ''feedback loops'', is a scientific term used in studies of environments. the way ecosystems all around work is based upon mutual relations not only between each species but also considering the natural environment. those relations are sometimes so close and specific that if you change a tiny part the whole system has to rearrange. even if we, as humans, don't want to admit it, we are a massive part of how the world works and since we affect for example climate change, our impact is enormous.

sometimes, the artists use the similarity between legends and real life to make a point or the way the landscape shows how humanity changed nature, fascinating to say the least, and it's just 13 photos!

let's see some photos of my own, from the event, not nepal!

my favourite piece

i'm not an art critic, just go see it. and regret that you weren't there.

~~~

the exhibition is on till 9th of january at miejsce przy miejscu gallery, open mon, wed, fri 12am-6pm, tue, thurs 2pm-8pm.

~~~

this has been your monday dose of beautiful education.

love,

qofr

on youth and future

i'm sorry this post is late, i went to the cinema and lost track of time last night. btw, ''youth'' with michael caine is great but be prepared to be surprised. i know it sounds absurd but i'll just say, i never wanted it to end. the plot is so moving, the stories intertwine beautifully and it's worth a watch on the big screen if you still have the chance. oh, and the cinematography is stunning, the alps and sunshine is all i need tbh.

but today i won't dwell on another review, i don't think i'm that good at that. i want to talk about the future, maybe.

i'm in my final year, matura is in may and i'll be finished with general education forever, how scary is that?

getting into an university or a college was always obvious for me. i'm quite intellectual and my grades are good, i love to learn and ever since i can remember i wanted to go to csm. fashion was first, than i went through a weird phase of fabric and working on details but it's not for me. ready-to-wear is where it's all at and i want to create haute couture, pretty exclusively. that's why i sort of shifted to costume design and theatre. i've been doing makeup and stage faces for a while now, it's not what i really want to do but i gave me a lot to think about and i feel like it's gonna come in handy, prosthetics and all that. costume sprung naturally, it's way more dramatic than fashion and i like to exaggerate my projects (to my horror at the amount work more often than not, oh well).

right now, my year has just started their first year, since my school is a year longer (artsy fartsy). a lot of my friends finished the ib programme and went into stuff i'm totally not about. i'm a craftsman, i don't do pr, business and maths. everything interests me but i have to create something by hand to be happy. the unfortunate thing is that here craftsmanship is not so well appreciated as it is in the west. studies are limited, especially ba diplomas part-time.

i thought that i'll be going to london first thing after matura but the harsh reality hit hard and i can't. shit right? well, life is life but don't think i'm over it. masters has to be in london. have you seen how many specialties are there in costume!?

ba in poland it is. it turns out that i pretty much have 3-4 options. two in warsaw and two in łódź. costume in general, on this stage, is not exactly popular so i'm not really surprised. i'm limited by the part-time thing, i want to start working to get started on my personal finances (like the responsible, blue-haired, adult that i am).

the one school i'm most interested in is the one in warsaw, mskpu. it's international, the diploma is also in english, subjects are in english as well. i'm quite good at that, if i do say so myself (the cae grade a also thinks so). plus, have you seen the lecturers? names and their accomplishments talk for themselves. another thing, my favourite costume designer, katarzyna konieczka, studied there. i'll write about her some day too, her work is breathtaking.

the only thing is... i'm scared. even if i know i have the power to get in and all, i'm scared. i don't believe myself or in myself. my abilities kind of disappear in my mind and i feel really worthless. why should i write matura well if i have problems getting out of bed in the morning, every morning? i'm not creating when i should and could be. there are a million other people, why would anyone choose me. it sort of spreads into other parts of my life, it's quite worrisome.

i'm not a winner, i don't have the drive to be famous. as i said, my pr is weak as hell, social abilities are not better. it's hard to get work as a normal person and i'm not exactly that tbh.

and why i'm writing all that exactly? part of me wants your compassion, although who would pity the white, quite wealthy girl that just really wants to be a fucking artist. the other wants some sort of support. i don't feel like i have a good example in my real life, help a sister out.

a question of this week, what do you do for a living and how did you get here? why and how have you chosen that path?

that's enough, honey.

this has been your monday (tuesday) dose of future reality.

love,

qofr